Compromise

His singleness of purpose and resolution, and
his elevated piety, endowed him, without his knowledge, with perennial youth.
As he made no compromise with Time, Time kept out of his way, and only sighed
at a distance because he could not overcome him.

--Henry David Thoreau Walden

Thoreau writes this beautiful story about living purely, no compromises. But once again, Thoreau was not married.

Compromise is the basis of marriage.

If you look at the root words, compromise can be seen as beautiful.

Com:
a prefix meaning “with,” “together,” “in association,” and (with intensive force) “completely,” occurring in loanwords from Latin (commit)

Promise:
1. a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc.
2. an express assurance on which expectation is to be based
3. something that has the effect of an express assurance; indication of what may be expected
4. indication of future excellence or achievement

Compromise=together excellence

Almost always, when someone learns we are building our own house... something that takes all our spare time and money, has taken years and is still not close to being complete, they say "I don't know how you do it. My spouse and I can't even pick a color of paint without getting into a huge fight."

I see the doubt in their eye, the questioning of their own marriage and that is the last thing I would ever want to raise thought of.

We live in a society that has a focus on finding your soul mate, your true love.

Greg is my soul mate & true love, but that doesn't mean marriage is easy. That doesn't mean that we always agree, in fact I think it would be terrible to always agree with someone.

Greg and I have similar tastes and expectations and we are both fairly easygoing personalities... except for when we really want something or strongly believe we are correct. Time has taught me that when we disagree it is usually because we don't understand and that when we come to a compromise it is better than either of our individual ideas. Greg is visionary, I can't always picture what he has in mind. I am practical. I want what is easiest and best for the long term. Together, we can create something that is beautiful and functional. It has taken experience to learn this. At the beginning of our building project, Greg would listen to my ideas, then do whatever he wanted. Sometimes I had a "Oh that was what you were talking about" moment, but I still felt unimportant, unheard. Other times, like when he put a window in the kitchen right where I wanted the fridge, I made him redo it for the practical necessity.

We have learned to agree before any big project. It once took months before we came to an agreement on the roofing. Greg wanted slate, to conform to his vision of blending in with the natural setting. Slate is way out of our budget. I wanted green metal roofing. Practical and affordable, also looking at green metal roofs makes me think of the hillsides in spring. Of the first warm day when you take off on your bike in the liliac sented air, the sun soaking into your skin melting away the winter. That is a moment of pure joy. Greg wanted the roof to blend in, and that green state is so brief. We compromised on stone colored metal roofing. I will look to the neighbors green roof and one day when the roof needs replacing, maybe we can afford slate. We both ended up happy with the result, even if it took months to get there.

For any of you that have been to our land and seen a strangely unfinished project, it is probably because it is something that we have yet to agree on.

True compromise takes the best of two people to create the best result. It is not always possible, and sometimes someone must give in. To have someone give up something they really want for you is the ultimate act of love and commitment and that is what true love is all about.